Beautiful Angel
by Surgery-Girl
Summary: Her baby was a perfect, beautiful angel, and the result of a hellish situation that all began one summer at band camp. I suck at summeries. Sorry. Rated Teen to be safe. Amy/Ricky.
1. My Last Day

**_Summery: Her baby was a perfect, beautiful angel, and the result of a hellish situation that all began one summer at band camp. I suck at summeries. Sorry. Rated Teen to be safe. Amy/Ricky._**

**_Disclaimer: I don't own The Secret Life of an American Teenager or any of it's characters. _**

**_A/N: I've never written a Secret Life of an American Teenager story, but I decided to give it a try. By the way, anything in bold is Amy's point of veiw._**

**--**

**My last day at home was as hard as to be expected for all of us. There were a lot of tears and a lot of uncertainty. But I knew I had to leave. I needed to get a fresh start for awhile. I needed to go to a school where nobody knew of my one night rendezvous with Ricky. I needed to go somewhere where I wasn't Amy Juergens, a band geek who got pregnant by the bad boy drummer. I needed to just be Amy. But no matter my reasons, it was still hard to say "goodbye".**

She was already awake when her alarm finally started to go off. Swinging her feet over the edge, she reached over and turned it off. A knock came at her door ten minutes later, and she still hadn't moved from where she sat on her bed. She glanced over her shoulder when the door opened.

"Hey." Her mother, Anne, said giving her a sympathetic smile.

"Hey." Amy replied turning her eyes back to the wall in front of her.

Sighing, Anne moved across the room and sat down beside her. "You know you don't have to go?"

"I need to, Mom. I can't face everyone anymore." The doorbell rang but neither moved to go get it.

"It's going to be hard not seeing you everyday."

"Yeah, I know."

"Someone's at the door for you." Ashley said from the door.

"I'll be right there." Amy nodded wiping any tears that lined her eyes away. Rolling her eyes, Ashley walked out into the hall. "I better go see who that is…"

Anne nodded and watched as her daughter stood and walked out of the room. Amy walked down the stairs and opened the door. Ben stood on the other side. He was staring down at his feet. When he heard the door open, he looked up at her through glossy eyes.

"Please don't go." He said before she could say anything.

"Ben." She sighed and leaned her head against the door. "I can't stay here."

"I… I don't care if you'll get fat or about Underwood or any of that. Amy, what I'm trying to say, is I love you and I don't want you to go."

She stared at him for a few moments as he looked at her pleadingly. "I'm sorry, Ben. I just… can't."

"Please, Amy."

"I have to do this." Leaning forward, she gave him a soft kiss before backing into the house shutting the door.

--

"Amy?" Her father, George, called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming." She yelled back.

"I can't believe you're letting her go to your mother's." George said coldly to Anne.

"It's her decision, George."

"She's fifteen, Anne. Fifteen!" He said quietly, yet harshly.

"Don't you think I know that?" She glared. "I'm not anymore happy about this than you, but it's what's best for our daughter."

"I'm ready." Amy said sadly as she appeared in the entryway.

"Amy, are you sure, absolutely sure, this is what you want?" George asked resting his hand on her shoulder.

"I have to do this, Dad." Tears lined her eyes.

"Then, we'll support you." Anne jumped in. Slowly, George nodded in agreement. "Come on we better get you to the bus station."

She nodded as she wiped the tears that threatened to fall. Her father picked up her bag as she picked up her French horn. Her sister stood uncharacteristically quiet by the door waiting for them to come as her mother followed her closely out the door and to the car. The ride to the bus station was silent as she sat in the back seat trying to keep her tears from being noticed. George pulled the car into the parking lot not far from the entrance but didn't move towards getting out. The whole family sat still waiting for someone to make the first move towards the door. After a few moments, Amy took a deep breath and opened the door. Silently, she put her bag over her shoulder and grabbed her French horn as her family got out of the car. George grabbed her last bag and followed her towards the entrance. Once they were safely on the sidewalk, she set her bag and French horn on the ground and looked at her family.

Her mother was the first to pull her into a tight hug.

"It's not too late to back out." She whispered.

"I know, Mom. But I have to do this. It's for the best." She whispered back as tears rolled off her cheeks and soaked into the material of her mother's sweater.

"We're here for you, if you need us." She reminded her as she pulled away from her hug.

"I know." She nodded sadly before turning towards her sister. "I'll see you around, Ashley."

Her sister sighed and gave her a hug. "You shouldn't go." She said quietly.

"I have to."

Ashley pulled back as Amy looked to her father for his hug. He gave her a slightly stiff hug and a light peck on the cheek. Wordlessly, he pulled away and gave her an unconvincing smile.

"Call when you get there?"

Amy nodded as she wiped her finger along the rims of her eyes. "I guess I'll see you when you guys come up?" They all gave short nods. She picked up her bags and French horn.

"Are you positive?" Anne asked one last time.

With a fleeting smile, she nodded. "Bye." She said quietly before turning and walking towards the bus and handed the guy who was putting suitcases in the lower compartment her larger bag and instrument. Looking back at her family, she gave a short wave before boarding the bus.


	2. My First Day Away

**None of that compared to my first night at my grandmother's house. Within the first half an hour of listening to her rant about how a girl my age shouldn't be so careless as to have unprotected sex, I faked that I was tired and went to bed early . I missed home already. But there was no turning back now. I did finally fall asleep if only for an hour until Mimsy brought me my dinner. **

"I'm not hungry." She groaned as she rolled onto her side.

"You have to eat. Now that you've gotten into this situation, you have to take care of that baby."

"I'm not hungry." She repeated.

Sighing, Mimsy put the plate of pot roast onto the desk and walked back into the hallway shutting the door on the way. Once she heard her going down the stairs, she rolled back onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

"How did I let this happen?" She asked herself. Sighing, she sat up and picked up her cell phone. After quickly dialing the number, she brought her phone to her ear and rested back against the headboard.

"Hello?" Her mother's voice came.

"Hey, mom."

"How's it going?"

She sighed. "Fine, I guess. I miss home already."

"We're only a bus ride away."

"I know."

--

She didn't sleep that night. At two o'clock, she finally gave up and sat in the window sill of the open window in her room. By three, she was sick of thinking about everything going on in her life and snuck downstairs. She found the tea her grandmother had stashed away in one of the drawers and made herself a cup. She was just settling into a chair when the light clicked on and light footsteps came down the steps.

Mimsy appeared in the doorway. "I thought I heard the microwave."

"Sorry." She replied sheepishly as she sipped her drink.

"It's fine. Mind if I join you?" Amy shrugged as she pulled her knee up onto the chair and rested her cup on top of it. "How are you doing?" Once again, she just shrugged. "I guess I have been a little hard on you, huh?"

"You're right, it was irresponsible." She said quietly diverting her eyes to the ground.

"Maybe, but you're going through a hard enough time."

"I don't know what to do." She said as tears rushed back to her eyes. "I miss home."


	3. Spring Break

**The following months were a roller coaster. My parents came to visit a lot, and Ashley came when she could. But it wasn't the same as being at home. By the time I hit the five month mark, a month after moving in with Mimsy, Ben stopped calling and I stopped trying to get in touch with him. I didn't fit in well around school since not many other girls couldn't go out shopping after school because they had to get an ultrasound done or they had to go to Lamaze classes. It didn't really matter though since the plan was that I would be leaving at the end of the year after I had the baby and found him/ her an adoptive family. After I lost Ben, beyond my family, I had no ties to home anymore. Lauren's parents prohibited her from talking to me, and Madison drifted away from me. I never did get the courage to call Ricky. I wanted after I hit my third trimester and the due date became closer and closer. But after a certain point, I guess, there's no turning back. And after I hit seven months, three months after leaving home, it seemed useless to call. He had probably forgotten all about me and his baby. **

She shifted uncomfortable in her bed. It was spring break, and it could have never come at a more opportune time. After hitting eight months, it became harder and harder for her to move throughout the school without having the irrational fear that anyone who bumped into her would force her into premature labor. The doctor had suggested bed rest after she hit eight and a half months, but what the doctor didn't understand was that she was a high school student, not some adult who could drop everything for maternity leave. There was no maternity leave for a fifteen year old girl nearly nine month pregnant. But now that it was spring break, she was able to lie in bed all day waiting for her stomach to finally pop. Mimsy weight on her hand and foot. After a few months, she came around and learned to accept what she could not change. But no matter how hard Mimsy tried to make her granddaughter comfortable, she couldn't stop the natural effects of pregnancy on her body which included cramps, night sweats, and the constant need to go from hot to cold.

"Amy, you need to stop fidgeting so much. You'll wear yourself out."

"I can't." She sighed. "My back hurts really badly, and the baby is kicking like crazy."

"This has been going on all day. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I think. I just can't seem to… get comfortable." She sighed. "And now I have to pee."

Extending a hand, Mimsy helped her granddaughter out of bed and onto the floor. Her stomach was huge, as to be expected, and poke out of the bottom of her "Ulysses S. Grant High School' t-shirt. She waddled her way towards the bathroom. Mimsy waited in the bedroom fixing the sheets. But as soon as the door latched, she heard a loud scream.

"Amy! What's wrong?" She yelled and hurried to the bathroom.

Standing there in the middle of the bathroom was her granddaughter. Her pants were wet, and a puddle was forming on the ground.

"I think my water broke." She cried looking at her in horror.

"Let's get you to the hospital." Mimsy said taking her hand and leading her down the stairs. Grabbing her bag, she helped her to the car and into the passenger seat. After safely pulling out of the driveway, she handed Amy her phone and told her to call her mother. She dialed the number and impatiently waited for someone to pick up.

"Hello?" Ashley's unenthusiastic voice came.

"I need to talk to mom."

"Who got your panties in a bunch?"

"Please, Ashley, let me talk to mom."

"Fine." She sighed. There were some muffled sounds before her mom's voice came onto the phone.

"Hey, Amy."

"Mom, I think my water broke."

"What!"

--

She anxiously tapped her feet against the bottom of the bed. Mimsy was pacing in circles talking in hushed tones to Anne. Anne, George, and Ashley were on their way up. The door opened, and the doctor walked in. Mimsy told Anne she'd call her back when she heard more and hung up.

"So?" Amy asked impatiently.

"You're in labor." She nodded looking at the fetal monitor. "I'm going to check your progress."

Nodding, Amy allowed her to move her legs and move the blanket. Mimsy moved to the head of the bed and ran her hand over Amy's brown hair. In a second, the doctor stood back up and took off her gloves. "You're five centimeters already?"

"How long will it be then?" She asked.

"A few hours." The doctor told them. "I'll be back to check on you soon." With that, she walked out.

"I'm going to call your mother." Mimsy said kissing her forehead.

--

"Why'd I do this?" Amy cried as another contraction passed. Her forehead dripped with sweat. Tears rolled off her cheeks and soaked into the thin material of her hospital gown. Mimsy was doing the best she could, but she didn't know how to help. "I'm fifteen, for Christ sake."

"It's okay. Sh." Mimsy soothed.

The door flew open, and her mother appeared first. "Amy! Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Mom, it hurts so badly." She cried. He father and sister followed.

"Okay, okay what can I do?" She asked the doctor who was writing on her chart.

"Nothing, she's ten centimeters dilated. We're going to prepare for pushing, right now." She went to go find some nurses to help. She returned in a second with two nurses in tow.

"That's my cue." Mimsy said and kissed her granddaughter's forehead. "Good luck."

"Thank you."

"Ashley, George lets give Amy and Anne some time alone." Mimsy said. They both nodded.

"Good luck, Amy." Ashley said and walked out. George kissed her cheek and walked out with Mimsy. Anne took a seat by her head as Amy looked at her with tear-filled eyes.

"I'm not ready, Mom. It's going to hurt."

"It will, but I'll be right here with you."

--

Her baby had been born. A baby girl. Six pound, twelve ounces. Now, she was tired. Her mother had gone to get some food with her father, sister, and grandmother.

"Excuse me?" She said to a nurse in the room.

"Yes?"

"Can I see my baby?"

The nurse sighed. "You're putting her up for adoption, right?"

"I think so."

"Then we recommend not until a social worker gets her."

"I want to see my baby." She said with a little more force.

"It's your choice." She sighed. "I'll get her."

Amy waited in silence until the nurse returned wheeling a bassinet and brought her to the bed then left. Amy looked down at her. She was sleeping with an angelic glow. Tears welled in her eyes. She was so beautiful. Carefully, she sat up and lifted the baby into her arms. She instantly grabbed a fistful of her gown in her tiny hand. Her eyes opened slowly revealing her big brown eyes. "Hey there, Baby."

**That's when I knew I couldn't do it. I couldn't put her in the system. She was my baby girl.**


	4. Spread The Word

The eleventh night away from home at band camp, I slept with someone for the first and only time… Ricky Underwood

**The eleventh night away from home at band camp, I slept with someone for the first and only time… Ricky Underwood. He put the idea out there first. Of course, he did. He slept with every girl in school, and I was the band geek virgin. It wasn't all his fault though, I let it happen. And it was over before I enjoyed of hated it. Weeks later, I got home from a late band practice and snuck away into the bathroom. Not only did that one night with Ricky Underwood end with my complete humiliation at school, but now I was pregnant. It's been ten months since I've been home. I'm a mother now, and I'm still scared to death everyday.**

"Now, are you sure you're ready to do this?" Mimsy asked as she touched her granddaughter's hand.

"Yeah, I am. It's time I go home." She sighed and looked at her. "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome." She hugged her. "Bye, Amy."

"Bye." She whispered and kissed her cheek. Mimsy pulled back and kissed the baby's cheek.

"Bye-bye Jordan." She waved at the baby and just smiled.

"We'll call when we get there." Amy promised. "I better go."

Mimsy nodded and helped her carry her bags to be put in the bottom compartment. Giving Mimsy on last kiss on the cheek, she carried the car seat and baby up onto the bus.

**Sure being a single, sixteen-year-old mother is hard, but I try my best to make it work. I juggle school, the French horn, and Jordan around, but I' getting better with all of it. But sometimes it's stressing. One of my major road blocks came before I left the hospital after she was born when the official documents woman came to my room and asked me what my baby's name was. Of course I had thought of names. But as I began to announce the name I had finally settled on, I noticed that I was at an impasse. Her last name. Should her last name be Juergens or Underwood? Underwood would be traditional since he is the father, but I doubted he'd ever be in her life. Eventually, I settled on Juergens for now. Jordan Lynn Juergens. **

She walked into the kitchen holding Jordan in her arms. Her mother stood at the stove stirring whatever was in the pot. She set down the spoon and hugged her daughter. "Welcome home, Amy."

"Thank you, Mom." She smiled at her as they pulled back.

"Ashley is at school still." Anne told her as she took Jordan from her arms. "Hey there, Miss. Jordan." Jordan just stared at her through her big brown eyes and smiled.

"I better go change her." Amy sighed taking her daughter back. Anne nodded. Amy disappeared into the living room and returned five minutes later. "I have to go get some more diapers."

"You just got here."

"I know, but I just used my last one. It'll only be a few minutes, I promise."

Nodding, Anne handed her the car keys. "I'll watch Jordan for you."

"Thank you." She kissed Jordan's head and walked out.

--

After grabbing a big pack of diapers and some baby formula, she strolled through the aisles thinking if she needed anything else for Jordan. She turned to go back to the check out counters. Staring at her less than ten feet away was Adrian. Pushing her hair behind her ear, she felt her cheeks turn red. Timidly, she hoped she hadn't recognized her. Keeping her head low, she tried to past without her noticing. But of course, as she walked by, Adrian turned and noticed her.

"Amy?" She called.

Silently cursing herself, she turned to look at Adrian with a forced smile. "Hi, Adrian."

She walked over with her arms tightly crossed across her chest. "Hey. I didn't know you were coming to town."

Amy just shrugged as Adrian's eyes floated down to the cart. Nervously looking away, she hoped Adrian wouldn't question her to why she was buying those things. But when she looked back over, she could see a hint of horror in the other girl's eyes.

"I have to go." Amy mumbled and headed towards check out.

"So are you stay?" Shrugging, she put her two items on the counter of the closet open check-out line. "Are you coming back to school?" Once again, Amy shrugged as she dug through her purse and withdrew a twenty.

Adrian searched for a way to casually ask about the baby products as the cashier run her up and got her her change.

"Sorry, Adrian, but I really have to go." She grabbed the bag of formula and diapers and hurried out. Adrian watched still in shock over the whole situation. Not only did the girl get pregnant by Ricky, she had the nerve to show up here after all these months… and she was buying baby products!

--

"You will never guess who I saw at the store when I went during lunch." Adrian said as he shut the door of his locker.

"Who?" He said unenthusiastically. He had an appointment with his shrink, and he was in enough trouble after missing ten minutes of his last session. And beyond that, he was sick of Adrian gossiping about every little think that when in or out of school. He had enough to deal with his foster parents.

"Amy Juergens." She said slowly. His steps faltered as she looked back at her. "I'm telling you first because she was buying baby crap."

"Why would she be doing that? She gave the baby up for adoption."

"Then why would she be buying diapers." She rolled her eyes crossing her arms.

"Maybe she got pregnant again. It's not mine."

"She's only been on a year. She couldn't have had your baby, put it up for adoption, gotten pregnant, and had another baby within a year, dumb-ass."

He stared at her before turning and storing off. He found Ashley Juergens at her locker in the freshman hall. He leaned against the locker and looked at her.

"Is your sister here?" He asked.

"I wouldn't know." She replied indifferently as she slammed her locker shut. Turning, she walked away before Ricky could say anything else.


	5. My First Day Back

**After running into Adrian at the store and Ashley told me Ricky was asking around about me being in town, I decided to lay low since I was sure that word of my reappearance had spread across the school. But on Saturday night, my mother approached me saying that at seven am Monday morning, I'd be going back to Ulysses S. Grant High School. I groaned and protested all I could, but there was no changing the unavoidable. At some point, I'd have to return to school.**

"Good morning." Anne said from the doorway. Amy looked up from Jordan's face to look at her.

"Hey." She replied with a sigh.

"So you're going today?"

Amy's eyes returned to the baby. She didn't want to face them yet. Other than the freshmen, pretty much everyone knew her. That was something she never wanted to face. "I don't think I can, Mom. What about Jordan?"

"I'm perfectly capable of watching her for the day. And you need your education."

"But, Mom…"

"No buts. Go get ready." She said firmly.

Sighing, Amy popped the bottle out of Jordan's mouth and replaced it with a pacifier. Then, she got up and carefully passed her to Anne before disappearing into the bathroom.

--

"Ashley! Are you coming?" She called from the door. Ashley rolled her eyes as she walked out of the kitchen. Anne followed out holding Jordan in her arms. Amy kissed her daughter's cheek and opened the door. Ashley slipped out first mumbling a 'goodbye.'

"Bye." Amy said before walking out. Ashley was sitting in the passenger seat impatiently waiting. Amy trudged to the car and set her things in the backseat before climbing into the drivers' seat.

The drive to school was silent other than the radio. Amy pulled into the school parking lot and turned off the car. Ashley got out first and noticed her sister hadn't moved. Amy's gaze was straight ahead at the school, and her hands were in her lap.

"Are you coming?" She asked in an irritated tone.

Shooting her a glare, she opened the car door and stepped out. "Do you realize how hard this is?" She asked leaning over the roof of the car. Rolling her eyes, Ashley picked up her books. Taking a deep breath, Amy did the same thing then slowly followed her to towards the building. She could feel her face redden the more nervous she came. Taking slow, deep breaths, she hoped her face would return to its usual color. But she wasn't sure. People were staring at her. And the more gazes that met hers, the more she felt like she would hyperventilate. Quickly saying a few words nearly inaudibly, she hurried down the hall. When she turned the corner, she ran right into someone's chest. The person grabbed her arm to stabilize her on her feet. She mumbled an apology as she glanced up. Ricky Underwood stared back at her. The one person she hoped to get through at least one day without seeing was standing right there in front of her. He wore his usual clothes: a long-sleeve shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, a short-sleeve shirt on top of it, and a pair of jeans.

"So it's true?" She just stared at him. The first bell rang, and people slowly started to shuffle around them. Rolling her eyes, she looked away from him blinked away the tears. With one last glance, she pushed past him. He turned and followed. "So you aren't going say 'hi.'" He asked smugly.

Wordlessly, she kept walked down the quickly emptying halls. He grabbed her arm. "Let go of me, Ricky." She said with all that she could muster up as she tried to yank her arm away. He moved closer to her studying her face carefully. Once he was within a few feet, she pushed him away and yanked her arm with all her arms away with all her might. "Leave me alone." She turned and was off again.

"Look who finally figured out how to speak for themselves." He cockily clapped his hands together. "Bravo, I didn't think you had it in you."

She didn't look back just hurried off to her next class.


	6. Old Friends

"Amy?" She heard someone call. "Amy Juergens?"

Cringing, she glanced over her shoulder to see Madison and Lauren running to catch up with her. She couldn't help but roll her eyes. It was them, after all, who got her into this situation. If they had kept their mouths shut about her pregnancy. She could have had more time to decide without having the added pressure from Ricky, Adrian, Grace, and just about every other person in the school. She slowed her pace but didn't stop.

"You're back." Madison chirped.

"Yeah." She sighed quietly.

"Hey, come on. What's wrong?" Lauren asked grabbing her arm.

"I have to get home." She shrugged. She didn't need to be delayed anymore than she already was. There was still an off chance that she'd run into Ricky on her way out, even though he was supposed to be in band practice. She could hear a few people testing their instruments in the band room as they waited for the band conductor to get there. So, there was a chance he'd be roaming the halls. Waiting around for him to turn the corner didn't seem like the smartest thing to do. "I can't talk right now."

"We've missed you." Lauren told her.

"Yeah, Amy, it's been months." Madison said.

"Sorry, guys, I have to go." She shifted her books in her arms. "Ashley!" She called to her sister who was at the end of the hall. "Are you riding home with me?" Ashley just nodded. "See you guys later." She walked off leaving her friends confused.

--

Anne convinced Amy to get out of the house. With nowhere else to go, she decided to take Jordan to the park. She pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine before unbuckling and climbing out. When she opened the back door, Jordan looked over and giggled with a wide, toothless smile. Amy smiled back as she picked her daughter up out of the car seat and settled her on her hip and the baby bag over her shoulder. She made her way up the hill to the play ground and settled Jordan into the infants' swing. Her eyes wondered around the park as she carefully gave Jordan light pushes. It wasn't long until she got restless, and Amy took her down to a bench to give her a bottle.

Jordan curled up against her mother and sucked the bottle. It didn't take but a few minutes for her eyes to flutter shut, and a peaceful sleep overtook her. Glancing down at her, Amy pulled the bottle out of her relaxed mouth and replaced it with a pacifier. Standing up, she carefully juggled the baby and the diaper bag hoping to get to the car without the baby waking up.

"Amy?" A voice came. She knew that voice and found herself cringing. Pretending not to hear him, she quickened her step towards the car trying to keep her arms as steady as possible. "Amy?" It came again. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder trying to stop her. Sighing, she turned around shifting Jordan in her arms, so she was closer to her chest.

Ben Boykewich looked just as he had ten months before. He smiled a large smile. He wore what he used to wear most of the time: jeans, a white dress shirt, and dark blue sweater over top with the collar of the white shirt coming out from under it.

"Wow, you're back." His eyes traveled down her body and landed on Jordan. His eyes grew wide, but he tried to hide the shock. "And you have a baby…"

"Yeah." She responded quietly as she shifted Jordan around in her arms.

"You kept her?" Instead of answering, Amy just nodded. "Does he know?" She shook her head 'no.' "She's, um, beautiful."

"Thanks." She gave him a light smile. "Sorry, Ben, I have to go."

"I'll walk you to the car."

She shifted uncomfortably and gave him a stiff nod before turning and walking towards the car. He followed.

"When did you get back?" He asked sounding cheerful as he always was.

"Friday."

"Were you in school today?" She nodded as he opened the back door to her car. "I didn't see you." Shrugging, she leaned over to put Jordan in her seat. He stayed silent as she backed out of the car and shut the door.

"I guess I'll see you later." She said softly. He nodded. "Amy." He said as she opened the door. Stopping, she turned to look at him once again indicating she was listening. "It's really great to see you."

She gave him a slightly awkward smile. "Thanks. Um, you too."

"Maybe we could… hang out sometime?"

She shrugged. "We'll see." She sat down in front of the steering wheel and turned on the car as she pulled the door shut. "See you later, Ben."

He smiled and nodded. And within a moment, she was pulling out of the parking space and onto the road.

--

"Today sucks." She announced to her mother after laying Jordan in bed.

Anne gave her a sympathetic look. "Did you expect coming back would be easy?"

"No, but I didn't expect it to be so exhausting. I'm so confused." She sighed pressing her hands firmly against the sides of her head. Anne set a plate of food in front of her and moved to sit down in her own seat. Ashley walked in as she hung up the phone and sat down in front of her food. Silence hung in the air as the family of three ate. Amy stared down at her food taking small bites. Anne watched from the corner of her eye and after watching her move all her peas from one side of her plate to the other one by one.

"Amy, are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." She shrugged. Silence resumed until Ashley decided break it.

"You realize it' food. You eat it." She said dryly earning a short glare from her sister.

Sighing, Amy pushed her plate away from her slightly. "I'm not hungry. Can I just go to bed?" Anne studied her carefully for a second before giving her a short nod. "Thanks." With that she hurried up the stairs. Between Ricky and Ben and Madison and Lauren, she didn't have the energy to do anything but fall back on her bed.


	7. What I've Always Want

**I had been in town for a week without anymore confrontations with Ricky. On Tuesday, he skipped school with Adrian. Then Jordan came down with something, and I refused to leave her in my mother's care while I went to school. So, thankfully, my mother agreed to call the school and say that I had come down with something and would be out for at least two days which ended up being three. It might not have been a great way to start back at school, but I didn't really care. Finally, on Friday, Jordan's symptoms were beginning to subside, so reluctantly I agreed to go to school. **

"Meet me here after school." Amy told her sister as they walked into the school.

"Whatever." Ashley mumbled giving an uncaring nod before walking in the opposite direction towards the freshmen hall.

All eyes were on Amy as she walked down the hall. She could feel redness creeping up her neck onto her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, she tired to ignore the people who talking about her freshmen year experience. She found her locker and set her books on the floor. When she stood up to open her locker, she nearly hit someone. Move to the side a little, she sent the person a slightly annoyed glare. She hated when people hovered around her. Ben smiled back unfazed by her glare.

"Hey Ben." She sighed.

"Hey." He chirped back. "Where have you been the last few days?"

"Sick." She opened her locker and put her books inside it leaving out one binder she needed for her first class.

"Oh, are you okay?" His voice was filled with concern.

"Yeah."

"What you have?"

She just shrugged. "Some stomach bug. It passed. I have to go." She pushed past him.

"Okay, bye!" He called after her. She turned around still walking backwards and gave him a small wave.

--

First period ended, and her next class was right next door. So she did an amazing job of avoiding everyone as she slipped into the next room. That class passed the same as the first on did. But before third period, she had to go to lunch. Even though, she was hungry she searched for another way to waste an hour. She thought about getting in the car, speeding home to see her baby, and get back by the time the next bell ran. But she was worried she wouldn't be able to make it. So she grabbed the bagged lunch she packed that morning and slipped out the back door. The football field was empty except for a few guys tossing a ball back and forth. She sat down at the top of the belchers and leaned back against the wall that ran along the top. She let her eyes shut hoping that some of the stress would go away, and the headache that was quickly starting to form would disappear.

Unfortunately for her, she felt someone sit down beside her. Opening one eye, she glanced over. When she noticed it was Ricky, she jumped to her feet. He sighed and looked up at her. She grabbed her bagged lunch and started to head for the stairs. He grabbed her arm. "We need to talk." She turned to look at him. Her eyes fixed in a cold glare. He just stared back at her with a small smirk. His grip loosened, and she swiftly pulled it out. She turned towards the stairs. "Amy, come on."

"Just leave me alone, Ricky. I have…" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We have a good life without you."

He watched her run away. His body was frozen as her words soaked in. This was what he wanted, right? He wanted his kid to be happy, but he didn't want to have to take responsibility… right?

**_--_**

This chapter might seem a little bit like a filler or whatever, sorry. But I'm working on another chapter right now, so more will come soon.


	8. Can We Please?

A/N: Ricky's point of view will always be in _**bold italics**_.

--

_**I don't know why I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach after Amy left me on the belchers of the football field. I didn't see her again during school that day. I met Adrian at her locker, told her that I wouldn't be able to make it to her house that afternoon, and walked away before she could question my motives. I actually had no motives. I planned to go to back to my foster parent's house and stay in my room for few hours to cool off. I had no intention in sitting in my car across the street from Amy's house listening to the rain pound down on the roof of my car.**_

With his head back against the headrest, he stared at the roof. His phones let out a loud shrill causing him to jump into the upright position. His gaze fell to the phone as Adrian's number crossed the screen. Letting out a deep sigh, he hit the ignore button and set his head on the window. Why was he even here?

--

"What is wrong with her?" Ashley complained again plugging her ears dramatically to further prove her point. Amy glared at her as she rocked her whimpering daughter in the rocking chair. Jordan's cries slowly wavered slightly as she shifted her around and slipped a bottled in between her lips. "Thank you, Lord."

"She's a baby. You realize that, right?" Amy whispered harshly.

"Stop fighting you two." Anne said walking into the living room with a glass of wine in her fingers.

"Sorry." They both mumbled.

"Do your homework, Amy. I'll take Jordan." Anne offered. Nodding, Amy stood up and slipped the baby into Anne's arms carefully. After dropping a soft kiss on her head, she turned to dig in her book bag for her homework.

The doorbell rang causing Jordan to whimper and shift around. They all looked over waiting to see if she would begin crying once again and let out a sigh of relief when she settled back into her grandmother's chest once again.

"I got it." Amy said quietly before walking to the door and opening it.

To her surprise, Ricky stood before her. His hair was drenched and sticking to his forehead. His t-shirt was plastered to his chest and stomach. And his shoes sloshed when he shifted from foot to foot.

"Hey." He finally said.

"What are you doing here?" She asked with all the coldness she could muster up as she crossed her arms firmly across her chest.

"We need to talk."

A flash of lightening brightened everything beyond what the porch light lit up, so she could see his car sitting across the street. And she couldn't help but wonder how long he had been there.

"I told you I didn't want to talk." She told him. A loud crack of thunder practically shook the house. When it passed and the sound of rain returned, she opened her mouth to continue when Jordan's cries began. His eyes grew wide as his throat went dry. That was a baby's cry. That was _his_ baby's cry.

"Amy!" Anne called.

"I have to go." She mumbled dodging his gaze as she stepped back into the house to close the door.

"Amy, can we please talk?" His voice sounded almost begging. Her eyes moved to his as she felt the tears burning the back of her eyes.

"I don't know." She said quietly feeling the confidence she had found over that last months fade away.

"Amy, mom needs you." Ashley said from the doorway leading into the living room.

"I have to go." She told Ricky and shut the door before he could protest.

He stared at the shut door for a long while. Running a hand through his wet hair, he let out a frustrated sigh before turning and crossing the yard back towards his car. He kicked the wheel trying to release all the pent up anger before opening the door and collapsing into the driver's seat.

_**Hearing that crying made everything all the more real. It wasn't just Adrian telling me that Amy was in town buying baby stuff. It had all been laid out in front of me. I had slept with Amy at band camp just as I had slept with other girls at band camp the year before. She got pregnant. I was too damn proud to admit responsibility and actually be there in the beginning when she really needed me. And now she was back in town with a baby… my baby. And it felt a hell of a lot worse than I ever expected it to.**_


	9. Not So Sure

**After the brief confrontation with Ricky, I stayed in bed for the rest of the night after I got Jordan asleep for the night. My mom tried to talk about it, but what was there really to talk about? I had made my decision. Ricky would do nothing but hurt the life I have built for my daughter and myself. I knew one day down the road, Jordan would ask questions to which I had no answers. But I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. And if one day I tell her that her father didn't want to be around before she was born and he thought of her only as an obligation not as his daughter, then she'd understand that she had a good life without him. It was the right decision… right? I mean, this is what will keep her safe… **

At six-thirty the next morning, Jordan's cries pierced the silence that hung in the air. Sleepily, Amy sat up rubbing her eyes harshly. Pulling herself to her feet, she walked over and stared down at her daughter through the dim light that the moon provided through the window.

"Good morning, Sweetie." She cooed as a smile spread across her lips. Jordan's cried slowed to soft whimpers as Amy picked her up. "Did you sleep well?" Pain burned her eyes as she turned on the bedside light. Jordan, also, squeezed her eyes tight and shifted to bury her head into her mother's stomach. "I don't like the light this early either."

After changing her, she slipped on her robe and carried her daughter downstairs. The smell of coffee overwhelmed the room as she walked through the living room to the kitchen. Just as she suspected, Anne sleepily stood at the coffee pot impatiently waiting for it to finish its cycle.

"Good morning, Mom."

"Good morning."

"What are you doing up so early on a Saturday?"

Anne just shrugged and made her cup of coffee. Amy grabbed a bottle out of the fridge and plopped down on the kitchen chair cradling her baby close.

"So Ricky…?" Anne asked casually as she sat across from her daughter.

"Ricky what?" Amy returned not looking up from her daughter's face. She really did look like her father. She had his dark hair and brown eyes, but her mother's nose and lips. But there was something about her that made Amy always see Ricky.

"He came by yesterday. What did he want?" Amy just shrugged. "What does he want, Amy?" Anne repeated more sternly.

"He wanted to talk." Amy replied softly.

"And…?"

"And I said I didn't want to talk."

"Amy, he wants in her life."

"Well, I don't want him in her life."

"Do you really want to keep her father out of her life?"

"I've been doing fine without him for five months. And I made it through the pregnancy without him too."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it."

She was silent for a long time before speaking again. "What if he hurts her, Mom?"

"When I got pregnant with you, I was young. Your father was young. Neither of us knew who we would be when we got older. But if I hadn't taken that chance to let him in, you wouldn't know him. Ashley wouldn't be here…" She sighed. "What I'm trying to say, sometimes life you end up with is worth the risks you have to take."

Sighing, she looked back down at Jordan, who had peacefully drifted off to sleep. Her eyes were relaxed in the closed position, and her mouth was slightly relaxed as her body laid limp in her mother's arms. Amy glanced up at her and shook her head.

"And sometimes it's not." She whispered before standing up and carrying Jordan out.

--

"See you later, Amy." Anne called to her daughter. Amy glanced up from her giggling baby as she rolled from her back to her stomach and back again to see Anne and Ashley standing at the door.

"Where are you going?" She shifted back to look at them.

"Ashley has a dentist appointment."

"Oh, I'll see you later then."

They waved and left as Amy picked Jordan up and plopped down on the couch. Jordan smiled as drool slipped over her bottom lip onto her chin. Her small fingers grasped little chucks fistfuls of Amy's shirt. Giggling, she leaned over and planted a small kiss on her forehead.

"Are you hungry?" She asked. "I am. I think we should get some lunch, what do you think?" Walking into the kitchen, she shifted Jordan onto her hip as she opened the fridge. Grabbing a bottle, cheese, mayo, and turkey, she set them on the counter and kicked the door shut. Carefully with the baby on her hip, she moved around the kitchen making herself a sandwich. When it was finally finished, she settled into the couch in the living room with Jordan resting in her lap. She popped the bottle into her mouth as she tore the corners off her sandwich and ate them. Just as she switched on the TV, the door bell rang. Inwardly groaning, she debated her options of getting up and answering it or ignoring it. But as it rang again she remembered her mother mentioning a package coming. Letting out a sigh, she lifted Jordan into her arms and walked towards the door. But it wasn't until she opened the door, she realized the guy at the door wasn't a delivery man.

**I thought I had everything figured out. Ricky wasn't going to be a part of Jordan's life. He was going to do nothing but hinder my ability to make her life as happy as possible. Then why while I stood in front of him cradling our daughter in my arms did everything I had just decided feel so wrong?**


	10. Let Me In

"Amy?" His voice came out meekly and slightly unsure. It was all very un-Ricky-like. His eyes moved between the baby and Amy as Amy's gaze fell to Jordan's face.

"What do you want, Ricky?" She tried with all her might to make her voice sound cold and distant, but the nerves showed through. She sent him a quick glance before looking over his shoulder pretending to care about Mr. Bertermen walking his dog down the street.

"I… I, um…" He stammered. "We need to talk." This time his voice was like a stern whisper.

She swallowed hard as her eyes returned to Jordan just as her eye fluttered open again. Staring up at her mother, her dark eyes sparkled. They were the exact same as the dark, pleading eyes of the guy who stood before her. Another large lump formed in her throat making it hard to make a sound let alone a coherent sentence about something that could change her and her daughter's life as the two person family they had grown accustom to being while they living with Mimsy. "I don't know if I want to talk to you." She said softly. She moved to shut the door, but he reached his hand out and kept it open.

"Amy, we have to talk about this."

She stared at him for a moment. Part of her was screaming 'yes.' Part of her was hesitant to even believe he was standing outside her door and this was all just some twisted dream. She looked down at Jordan then back at Ricky.

"Please." He pleaded

Slowly, she nodded and turned to walk further into the house. Relief washed over him. The first and maybe hardest part was over. He had convinced Amy to talk to him. It was a step in the right direction at least. His relief was replaced with anxiety as he stepped into the house and shut the door behind her. His eyes swept the area of the living room as he stuffed his hands into the pocket of his jeans. Amy was standing over a small cradle that she had moved beside the couch. Carefully, she laid the baby down and covered her with a light pink baby blanket. Letting out a sigh, she stood up and turned to look at him. He nervously shifted from foot to foot until she gestured for him to follow her into the kitchen.

They stood awkwardly across from each other waiting for the other to speak first.

"You wanted to talk?" He nodded. "So talk;"

He took a deep breath. "I want to be apart of her life."

She let out a bitter laugh. "Sure you do. What is it? Did Grace say it's the Christian thing to do and you want in her pants that bad?"

"This has nothing to do with Grace. This has to do with you, me, and my daughter."

"My daughter." She retorted.

"She's my daughter too, Amy."

"No, you don't get to say you're her father just because of biology. A father doesn't make her out to be… some obligation or something."

"I was stupid. I let you walk away with her. But I know I want this now." He said sternly.

She was quiet for a few minutes. "You can't waltz in and out of her life whenever you feel like it."

"I don't want to. I want to be in her life… through all of it."

She turned away from him as tears filled her eyes. "It's not that easy."

"What do I have do to prove to you that I want to be here?"

She was silent for a long time staring into his pleading eyes. Finally, she took a breath. "If you hurt her now or ever, god help you." She threatened.

"I won't hurt her, Amy. I promise."

Slowly she nodded and took a seat at the table. "There are going to be rules until I know that you won't hurt her." Silently he nodded and waited for her to continue as he sat down across from her. "I don't want her to be around any of your girls. Adrian or anyone else. I don't want her exposed to that kind of stuff."

"I don't do those things anymore." She gave him a disbelieving look but said nothing to refute his statement. "Is that it?"

"I think so. Just don't hurt her."

"I don't need to be told not to hurt my own daughter. I know, Amy." She glared at him as she pushed her hair behind her ear. They were quiet for a long time before Ricky spoke again. "What's her name?"

"Jordan." She smiled. "Jordan Lynn Juergens." She could see a slight amount of hurt that entered his dark eyes, but it didn't break the small smirk on his lips. She knew it would hurt him that she didn't give Jordan his last name, but at the time it was the right thing to do. She wasn't sure how to explain it, so she didn't try to. The hurt was brushed away quickly as she continued to tell him about their daughter. "She was born on April 25th. She's six months old… She's amazing." She said with a proud smile. "You can have the worst day of your life, and when you get home she'll make you smile. Do you, ah… want to meet her?"

He smiled and nodded.

_**Amy took me into the living room and picked up the small baby out of her cradle… my baby. She sat down on the couch with Jordan sleeping in her arms. I sat beside her. After a minute, Amy carefully laid her in my arms. Looking down at her, I couldn't help but smile. She was beautiful. She was my daughter… and it scared me to death. **_


	11. A Day In The Park

Ricky finally left after nearly an hour at the house. Anne and Ashley were due home any minute, and Amy was still trying to recover from his visit. Jordan still slept peacefully in her cradle as Amy cleaned up the lunch she had abandoned and had no intention of returning to. After she finished, she lied down on the couch and tried to shut her eyes while she had the chance.

"_I want to do something tomorrow." He said as he followed her out into the foyer. _

"_By that you mean…?" She asked and sighed. _

"_Do you and Jordan want to go to park with me tomorrow?" He asked with that smooth, cocky smirk that made girls go crazy. Amy looked uncertain as she bit her lip. "Come on, Amy."_

_Sighing, she slowly nodded still unsure. "Eleven?"_

"_Yeah, that's good." She opened the door for her and gave him a soft smile. _

"_Goodbye, Ricky."_

"_See you later." He strolled off with the best cocky stride he could muster up. She watched him walk down the driveway to his car before walking back into the house._

What had she done? This could ruin them. Ricky Underwood didn't do this. He didn't spend his Sunday walking with a girl like her in the park with her daughter… their daughter. It just wasn't him. If he rejected his daughter, if he walked away from her, what would she do then?

Her thoughts were broken when the front door opened and Anne and Ashley walked in talking among themselves. Sitting up, she waited until they appeared in the doorway.

"Hey." They greeted.

"Hey, how was the dentist?" She asked.

"Whatever." Ashley shrugged and proceeded into the kitchen. Standing, Amy followed and sat down at the table while Ashley got herself a drink and Anne busied herself with dinner.

"Ricky came by." She said after a few minutes. They both stopped and looked at her.

"And…?" Ashley probed.

"I let him hold her." She admitted quietly. "And agreed to… try. And I'm going to the park with him tomorrow."

"Ah… How do you feel about all this?" Anne asked.

Groaning inwardly, she laid her head on the table. "I don't know."

--

The next day, she woke up to the sound of Jordan's whimpers at eight. She got up, changed her, went downstairs, and gave her a bottle. At eight forty-five, Anne came downstairs.

"Good morning."

"Morning." Amy returned.

"When are you going to the park?"

"Eleven."

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

"No… I don't know what I want. And while part of me thinks I'm stupid for even thinking that maybe he could love her, I still can't help but feel that if I don't go through with it, I'll be wondering 'what if.'"

"I understand, Amy. Just be careful."

"I will… I'm going to take a shower, can you watch her?"

"Yeah, sure."

Amy thanked her before handing the baby over and disappearing up the stairs. She took a long shower letting the warm water roll over her body. Finally when Ashley came beating on the door, she was forced to get out and wrap herself in the warmth of her yellow fuzzy towel. Ashley was impatiently waiting outside the door when she came out. Mumbling a 'good morning,' she continued to her room. She looked through her clothes until she found a pair of jeans and a crème colored camisole and a blue top for on top. After getting dressed, she quickly blow-dried her hair and straightened it. At ten-thirty, she was finished getting ready and headed back downstairs. Jordan was bouncing around in her bouncing chair giggling as Ashley made faces at her.

"Hey, Baby-girl." Amy cooed and kissed her head. "Hey, Ash."

"Hey." Ashley replied without stopping playing with the baby. Smiling, Amy walked into the kitchen finding her mother drinking coffee while reading the paper.

"Hey, Mom."

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon." She answered getting herself some tea. "I'm nervous." She admitted.

"I'd expect you to be. But don't worry. It'll be okay."

Amy nodded and sat down at the table with her mom. Ashley soon walked in carrying the baby just as Amy finished her tea, so she took her upstairs to get her changed. After changing her diaper, she changed her into a pair of black paints and a fuzzy pink sweater then began getting the diaper bag ready.

"I'm going." She announced as she bounced down the steps with Jordan on her hip and the baby bag over her shoulder. Anne quickly appeared. "Wish me luck?"

"It'll be fine." She promised.

"I'll be back in a little bit." She waved before disappearing outside.

--

Ricky hadn't gotten there by the time they arrived, so Amy sat down on the bench with Jordan in her lap. After ten minutes passed, she started getting worried that he wouldn't show. Possibilities overwhelmed her thoughts as she looked around. Was he backing out? Did he really not care? It wouldn't be the first time she hoped he would at least express an interest, and he failed to do that unless it helped him get in someone's pants, of course. At 11:15, she was almost ready to give up when she noticed him quickly walking up the path. When he noticed her gaze though, he slowed his pace and put a smirk on his face. Standing up, she moved Jordan to her him.

"Sorry, I'm late." He quickly said before she could accuse him of anything. She wasn't all that interested in his excuses, so she just nodded. "Ah, you want to go for a walk?" He asked unsure what else to say.

"Yeah, sure." She said slightly defeated as she wasn't in much mood to act resistant towards his attempts. He was here and that was a step in the right direction. She picked up the baby bag and put it over her shoulder. He moved to offer assistance, but she silently told him otherwise. They began walking in an awkward silence, and she could tell that he searched for words to say.

Finally, he sighed giving up on his quest and looked over at her. "I don't know what to say." He admitted slightly sheepishly.

She ran her hand through her hair and glanced down at Jordan who seemed content watching the scenery and people go by. "I, honestly, don't know either."

They were quiet again for a few moments. "What does she like to do the most?"

Amy smiled at him letting a small giggle escape her lips. He was trying and for whatever reason even the random question seemed to fit perfectly. "You mean other than sleep?"

He chuckled. "Yeah."

"She has this little bouncy chair thing. It blue and has fish all over it. She loves to play with in that."

He smiled fondly as silence fell again. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched his facial expression. She could tell he was thinking. About what she wasn't sure but she didn't press for conversation.

When the playground came into view, she looked down at Jordan who looked excited.

"She, also, loves to swing." She informed him.

He smiled at her and allowed her to lead him towards the swing set that sat just on top of a hill. She sat her down in the baby swing carefully and buckled her up. Jordan giggled loudly clapping her hands together, and from the corner of her eye, she could see Ricky smiling at his daughter.

"Do you want to push her?" She asked settling into an abandoned swing right beside Jordan's.

"Yeah, sure." He walked behind the baby and gave her a light push. He looked at her nervously to make sure he didn't push too hard, and she gave him an encouraging nod. They didn't talk as they watched the baby happily swing. After about ten minutes, Jordan grew restless and held her hands up at Ricky. Another nervous look was sent Amy's way, but she didn't move to get up off the swing to get Jordan out. Ricky was trying and if Jordan was okay with being held by him, then he deserves a chance. He carefully unbuckled her and slid her out of the swing. He settled her on his hip allowing her short legs to dangle around his sides. Amy watched carefully as he braced her bottom so she wouldn't fall and put his other hand on her back. Standing, Amy gave him a small smile and began walking towards the path. He followed. After a few seconds, Jordan's head fell to his shoulder as she sleepily rubbed her eyes while her other hand clutched the back of his shirt.

"She's getting tired." Amy told him in a hushed tone.

He looked over at her and nodded unsure if she was asking him to give her the baby or something. But she made no move to take her away, and he was happy she didn't. He liked having her in his arms. And, sure, he had a lot to learn, but in that moment, he really thought he could do this.

When they got back to the bench she had been sitting at when he arrived, she gestured that they could sit. Jordan had fallen completely asleep against his shoulder. Ricky slowly sat down and carefully moved her off his shoulder into his arms in front of his body. She rolled onto her side so her face was partially buried his shirt.

"Has it been hard?" He asked after a long silence.

"Has what been hard?"

"Being a mother?"

She looked at him then down at Jordan. "It's had its hard time, I guess."

"Why didn't you ever call me?"

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Because… eventually, there's no turning back, I guess. I put it off for so long I didn't see the point." She looked across the park for a few minutes before looking back at Ricky. "I never thought and I'm still not sure this will work."

"Have a little confidence in me." He said trying not to sound harsh.

"It's hard, Ricky. I need time to even start processing this." She said quietly with a little harshness showing through. "You can't just expect me to let you in when you didn't care about her when I was pregnant."

"I did care. I tried to stop you from getting an abortion." He snapped back.

She let out a snide laugh. "Because you wanted to get into Grace's pants. That didn't have anything to do with me or the baby."

"That had nothing to do with Grace. Contrary to popular belief, I actually wanted to do the right thing."

"And you have a great way of showing it." She snapped before letting out a sigh. "I have to go." She stood up and put the bag over her shoulder. He watched her in fear as she took Jordan from his arms.

"Amy…" He called after she started to walk away as he chased after her. Was this her way of saying she wasn't willing to give him a chance?

"Not now." She said before walking away. He watched in defeated as she walked down to the parking lot.


	12. Outside

The next day was Monday, unfortunately. He sluggishly strolled into the school trying to look as cocky and confident as always. But he was tired, emotionally and physically. He had slept most of the night thinking about the turn his life had taken in just a short week. Before Amy came back to town, he was surviving. He wondered about his daughter and what had happened, but he never expected to actually see her. She was right there and so vulnerable like at any second this could all crumble. But at the same time, he found himself not wanting to walk away. This is what he struggled with all night: the sheer terrifying idea that at any second he could say or do something to shatter the fragile situation he found himself in with Amy and Jordan and the unexplainable inability to walk away from someone he just recently met.

He caught a quick glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye as he turned the corner. When he stopped and looked over, she looked frustrated trying to carry her books, her French horn, and her bag. He watched as she sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before walking over.

"Need some help?" He asked while she was bent over trying to pick up some papers she had dropped from her binder. She stood up and looked at him stiffly. He knelt down and picked up the papers, set them back in the binder, and stood. He offered her a small smirk which she made no effort to return; instead she crossed her arms at him and sighed. "I know I screwed up." Her facial features didn't soften nor did she speak. "Come on, Amy."

"I can't talk right now." She said. He nodded understanding the bell was about to ring, and school wasn't the most appropriate place to discuss the future. He held out the binder. "Thanks." She mumbled as she took it and gathered the rest of her things before scurrying away.

--

She managed to avoid him the rest of the day. Later that night, she put Jordan to bed and went downstairs with the baby monitor in hand. Her mother was watching TV with a glass of wine. She could hear Ashley talking on the phone in the kitchen. Without a word, she pulled on a sweater and walked out onto the porch. The weather was nice, so she sat down on the porch swing with a sigh.

She had a lot on her mind, as to be expected. Her mother was right, she had expected returning wouldn't be this hard for the simple reason she hadn't anticipated Ricky wanting to try. She still wasn't sure if this was what he wanted or if he just felt bad that he hadn't been around when Jordan was born. Part of her wanted to believe the latter because then it means he hadn't changed and she hadn't made a royal mistake by leaving. But more of her, for Jordan's sake, wanted to believe that he did want to be there. Jordan was still young, and if Ricky was serious about this then Jordan would grow up with both her parents unable to remember the first months of her life when Amy was a single parent. Jordan deserved to be happy even if that meant Ricky was in the picture. At the same time, though, Amy fought with herself trying to decide if this was just too risky. Would he leave years down the road after Jordan had grown accustom to having him around? She would hate herself if she had to explain to her daughter that her father just wasn't around anymore. Yet, she found herself inclined to give Ricky a chance. If for no other reason, she still felt some guilt because she hadn't tried harder to give Jordan the perfect life with both parents when she was still pregnant. Instead, she ran away to Mimsy's house because she was too afraid to face Ricky and the people at school any longer.

She silently fought with herself and didn't notice when a car pulled into the driveway. It wasn't until he started walking up the porch stairs that she heard him. Looking over, she jumped slightly causing him to smirk.

"Hey." He said casually sticking his hands in his pocket.

"Hey." She answered quietly not.

"Mind if I sit?" Without waiting for an answer he sat down beside her. They sat in silence for a long time lightly swaying back and forth. Sighing, she ran her fingers through her hair and looked over at him.

"What are you doing here, Ricky?" Her tone was less bitter towards him than usual for the sheer fact that she didn't have the energy to be bitter.

"I wanted to talk." He didn't sound very much like himself, and she almost wanted to point it out but didn't.

"I don't know if there is anything to talk about." She told him honestly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know." She said loudly with frustration laced in her voice. "I don't know what to do, why does everyone ask me?" He watched her get up and pace. "You're you… and Jordan… Jordan deserves happiness. She doesn't deserve to be hurt… and I don't know what to do!"

"Alright, calm down." He stood grabbing her arms. She looked at him and took a deep breath. "Now, let's just… talk."

She nodded and sat back down on the swing. He fallowed in suit and looked at her. She fidgeted with her hands for a few minutes feeling nervous under his gaze. Sighing, she looked up at him. There was a hint of genuine concern within them. "I don't know if I can trust you with her. I'm not convinced you really want to be here." She told him softly as she diverted her eyes to the ground.

"She's my daughter, Amy. I want to do the right thing and at least try." He spoke in a soft convincing tone, and when she looked up she could see he was sincere.

"What's different now?" She asked after a few seconds.

He shrugged. "Things change… She's actually here now. She's not just a bump on your stomach. She's a living, breathing baby."

She couldn't help but give him a soft smile. "Yeah."

Silence fell over them, and for once it wasn't a stiff, uncomfortable. "Why didn't you put her up for adoption?"

"When I saw her… I don't know. I just felt like I couldn't do it. She's my daughter and I love her."

They talked about different things for nearly two hours. Mostly they talked about Jordan's childhood and Amy told stories of everything from the birth to the first time she giggled. Finally, at ten o'clock, they parted ways. Amy headed inside instantly met by Anne's curious gaze.

"What were you doing outside with Ricky?"

"Just talking." She shrugged receiving a skeptical look. "I'm going to be. Good night."


	13. Lesson Number One

She saw Ricky out of the corner of her eye as she walked in and found it hard to fight back a smile. He was leaning against a locker listening to Grace talk adamantly about something. But it didn't really look like he was listening all that closely by the way he was so quickly distracted by passing people. His gaze caught hers as his usual slightly cocky smirk stretched across his face. She couldn't help but give him a small smile in return as she continued to her locker. She opened her locker and began organizing her things and putting the things she didn't need for her first few classes away. After a few minutes, she felt someone beside her. She knew who it was before she even looked.

"Hey." She greeted without looking up.

He chuckled. "Hey. How'd you know it was me?"

Shutting her locker, she turned to look at him and shrugged. "I was thinking about what you said yesterday." He nodded encouraging her to go on. "Um, do you want to… come over tonight for dinner?" She looked down at her hands nervously and didn't look up until he heard him chuckle again at her nervousness.

"Sure." He nodded when their eyes met again. They stood in silence looking at each other.

"Is five good for you?"

"Yeah, that's fine." Their eyes lingered over each other's for a second before Amy abruptly looked down breaking it.

"Good. I'll see you then." He just nodded. "I have to go to class." With that, she gathered her things and hurried away. He turned to watch her with a small smile until she turned the corner.

--

He got through school without incident. Amy managed to avoid him either intentionally or unintentionally, he wasn't sure. When the final bell rang, he headed to his locker sending a quick glance down the hall to make sure she wasn't at her locker. The area was crowded, but he didn't see her. He grabbed the things out of his locker and headed outside to his car.

"Ricky! Wait up!" Adrian yelled as she walked briskly across the parking lot. He stopped and waited for her to catch up. "Hey." She said with a sigh as she smiled at him.

"Hey." He returned without stopping his stride towards his car.

"So, I was thinking…"

"_Great. Here it goes."_ He thought and nodded for her to go on. When they stopped at his car, he turned to look at her.

"I was thinking that maybe you should come over tonight." She smiled suggestively at him as she ran her finger along his chest. He caught her hand and stopped it.

"I don't think so, Adrian."

"You used to always come over on Tuesdays."

"I got plans." He shrugged hoping she'd drop it. Her eyes narrowed into a cold glare as her lips tightened a little.

"With who?" She demanded.

"Since when do you need to know what I'm doing?"

"Since you started screwing me."

"We aren't dating, Adrian. You made that clear."

"It's with Amy isn't it?" Her voice was thick with dislike.

"She's the mother of my child, Adrian." I glared feeling oddly protective over Amy.

"And your point? That doesn't mean you have to throw away your whole to become Mr. Mom or whatever."

"I'm trying to do the right thing here."

"Since when are you concerned with the right thing? I mean, come on," She laughed slightly bitterly. "You're Ricky Underwood."

"Will you drop it?" He growled. His anger built up in him. Who the hell did she think she was to tell her he didn't care? That he shouldn't at least try for his daughter?

"Whatever, Ricky. Call me when you want to get some of this." She gestured herself. "Instead of change diapers." She turned on her head and walked towards her convertible. He sighed and got into his car. He had plenty of time to get home, talk to his foster mother, call his therapist to cancel their four-thirty session (which meant and over the phone session. Yay.), get changed, and get to Amy's house.

He did just that. He drove home and headed inside.

"I'm going to Amy's house for dinner tonight." He called as he started up that stairs.

"Okay, don't be back too late." His foster mother replied. He grabbed my phone and dialed the therapist office. Most of the forty-minute conversation was centered around the baby and therefore around Amy too. When he hung up, he got in the shower and changed into a pair of jeans and a black button down shirt with a black t-shirt underneath. Rolling the sleeves up to his elbow, he headed downstairs. It was a little after four-thirty. Talking to his foster mother killed ten extra minutes before he headed out.

Amy's house wasn't far. After ten minutes, he stopped in front of the house and cut the ignition. The door opened just as he started up the stairs. Amy appeared wearing jeans and loose gray shirt with Jordan on her hip. The baby turned to look at the new person and smiled widely causing drool to spill out onto her lower lip.

"Ugh." Amy sighed as she wiped the drool off her and Jordan's chin with a piece of cloth she had hanging over her other shoulder. "Hey Ricky."

"Hey." He replied with a smirk.

"Come on in." She stepped out of the way so he could come into the house before shutting the door behind him. "I was just about to go get Jordan changed. You can wait in the living room. I'll be right back."

"Can I come too?" He asked slightly hesitantly. She looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "I mean, I have to learn eventually."

She nodded. "Okay." She started up the stairs with him right behind her. She pushed the door open to her room. Ricky followed her in glancing around the area as Amy went to her dresser and pulled open the last drawer. She knelt down struggling to hold the baby and find something for her to wear. Noticing this, Ricky walked over and put his hands under Jordan's arms. Amy's eyes snapped up to him as he lifted her out of her arm. He looked hesitant making sure he was doing it right. Nodding, she relaxed her arm allowing him to lift her into his own arms. He frantically looked at Amy for reassurance which she gave him with a nod. Jordan adjusted herself in his arms smiling happily at him. He smiled at her too and walked towards the bed. Amy watched the entire time biting her bottom lip. He sat down holding the baby in his lap as he smiled widely at her. Not his usual 'Ricky' smile but a genuine smile of happiness. She snapped out of the trance and began looking for an outfit for her daughter. When she found a pair of black pants and a dark pink shirt, she grabbed a diaper and stood up.

"She really does like you." She said quietly observing Ricky's interactions with his daughter. Ricky looked at her still smiling like an idiot.

"Thank you, Amy, for giving me a chance." The sincerity pouring off of him was pure and true.

She sighed and sat down beside him looking at Jordan. "Just don't make me regret it."

"I promise to you, I won't." She smiled at him.

"Come on, I'll teach you how to change her. Unless you're worried dirty diapers and spit rags with cramp your style." She joked, standing up. He laughed and stood up too. "Okay, lie her down here." She patted the middle of the bed. "You have to make sure she doesn't roll off, so never take your eyes off of her for even a minute when she's on a bed without guard rails." He nodded. "Okay. First, you have to get her old outfit off." She told him as she undressed Jordan throwing the dirty outfit onto the ground. "Ready to tackle the world of diaper changing."

"I think so." He said. She had been joking, but he seemed to be genuinely concerned and hesitant. This was an entire new world to him, far outside his comfort zone.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I mean, I don't want you to get overwhelmed by all this. It's a lot to take in at once."

He shook his head. "I want to."

"Okay. Have you ever changed a diaper before?" He shook his head. It wasn't a surprise. He hardly seemed like the kind of guy who would. "First, you undo the Velcro." She nodded for him to do it as she grabbed the wipes. Once the diaper was open, she handed his a wipe. "Okay, now, put the wipe in the dirty diaper and take the diaper out from under her." He did as he was told. "Now, the hard part." She said as she opened the new diaper. "Put this end under her butt." He did as he was told. "And this part goes around the front. And us the tabs to close it." By now Jordan was getting restless and squirming. Just as he was about to put the top part over the front of her body, she started peeing. He looked startled as Amy laughed loudly and pushed his hand down so the diaper was acting as a shield. "Okay, so now, we start over." She was still shaking with laughter as she went to get another diaper.

"This is harder than I thought." He sighed.

"You get used to it. Like everything else, you get better over time." Amy assured him. He nodded as Amy handed him a new wipe and a new diaper. This time, he made it all the way through without Jordan's interference. When he lifted her up, though, the diaper was lopsided, and one of her butt cheeks was hanging out. Ricky groaned as Amy once again laughed. "It's okay." She said and fixed it quickly. "You'll get it." With Amy's help, he managed to get her dressed in the little outfit with little trouble. After she was dressed, he picked her up before Amy could. "Come on, let's go back downstairs. Dinner will probably done soon." He nodded. "You okay? You seem quiet."

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Amy, Ricky, dinner's ready!" Anne called.

**Much to my surprise, he really did seem to want to be here. Maybe this won't be a catastrophe. Maybe he did really change. **

_**I was nervous and scare as hell the entire time Amy was teaching me how to change Jordan. I really could fuck up, and I didn't want to. I already love Jordan, and it scares the hell out of me to love something so breakable. But I'm determined to make this work.**_


End file.
